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11/02/20 05:42 AM

#1418

Richard Faubion

 
Some old ones and some new ones.
 
1. When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison

2. To me, "drink responsibly" means don't spill it.

3. Age 60 might be the new 40, but 9:00 pm is the new midnight.

4. It's the start of a brand new day, and I'm off like a herd of turtles.

5. The older I get, the earlier it gets late.

6. When I say, "The other day," I could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago.

7. I remember being able to get up without making sound effects.

8. I had my patience tested. I'm negative.

9. Remember, if you lose a sock in the dryer, it comes back as a Tupperware lid that doesn't fit any of your containers.

10. If you're sitting in public and a stranger takes the seat next to you, just stare straight ahead and say, "Did you bring the money?"

11.When you ask me what I am doing today, and I say "nothing," it does not mean I am free. It means I am doing nothing.

12. I finally got eight hours of sleep. It took me three days, but whatever.

13. I run like the winded.

14. I hate when a couple argues in public, and I missed the beginning and don't know whose side I'm on.

15. When someone asks what I did over the weekend, I squint and ask, "Why, what did you hear?"

16. When you do squats, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminum can stuffed with celery?

17. I don't mean to interrupt people. I just randomly remember things and get really excited.

18. When I ask for directions, please don't use words like "east."

19. Don't bother walking a mile in my shoes. That would be boring.

20. Spend 30 seconds in my head. That'll freak you right out.

21. Sometimes, someone unexpected comes into your life out of nowhere, makes your heart race, and changes you forever. We call those people cops.

22. My luck is like a bald guy who just won a comb.

11/02/20 03:21 PM

#1419

Michael Elliott

These are great, Richard. Made my day!

11/02/20 07:39 PM

#1420

Bob Clark

Good stuff, Richard!

11/03/20 06:17 AM

#1421

Judy Van Hise (Flynn)

I love those. I can relate to many of them!!!!

11/03/20 10:10 AM

#1422

Greg Cook

Way to step up Richard!

I think we all can relate to many of these "truisms". My favorite is: My memory is getting so bad I could plan my own surprise party. or I just bought a pair of Skechers with memory sole inserts, maybe now when I walk into the kitchen I'll remember why I'm there.

11/03/20 03:13 PM

#1423

Jerry Labuda

Way to go Richard some good stuff.

11/04/20 11:50 AM

#1424

Linda Marks (Bird)

Thanks Richard! I needed a good laugh today.

11/07/20 08:01 AM

#1425

Greg Cook

I recently received this postcard from my great aunt in Florida, a.k.a., “Heaven’s Waiting Room.”

“Hearing gone. Eyesight dim. Joints stiff. Have trouble staying awake. Thank goodness I can still drive!”

11/08/20 02:37 PM

#1426

Charles Harvey

Great Stuff Greg.... I know some people here in Omaha that fits the profile. I was driving behind them today. I enjoy the stuff you post.

11/14/20 08:50 AM

#1427

Greg Cook

OK guys (guys in CA is non-gender specific) being in isolation is no excuse to forget these important things you don't say to your wife.

11/20/20 04:15 AM

#1428

Mitch Wise

Fantastic, why did you wait so long to post? I may have said a few of these. Ha ha.

11/20/20 01:12 PM

#1429

Linda Marks (Bird)

Hilarious! I needed a good laugh.

01/14/21 02:09 PM

#1430

Greg Cook

Well,

we're into this 10 months and things have slowed down on our reunion forum.

Hopefully this will cheer you up. Everyone who remembers the song this parodies, it's time to fess up.

I think it played on MTV at least every 10 minutes

01/14/21 05:57 PM

#1431

Jerry Labuda

Great post Greg and I do remember MTV playing the original maybe every 9 minutes. Very well done but the background dancing has to go.

01/15/21 09:34 AM

#1432

Greg Cook

You're probably right Jerry but we've both been married long enough (the singer too) to know not to go down that road.

02/13/21 08:23 AM

#1433

Greg Cook

Getting married at our age is not without surprises.

Happy Valentines Day to everyone!

02/14/21 11:45 AM

#1434

Jerry Labuda

That was great Greg. Thanks for the laugh.

02/20/21 08:37 AM

#1435

Greg Cook

No nursing home for me. I'll be checking into the Marriott!

With the average cost of the nursing home being $275 per day, there is a better way when we get old and too feeble.

I've already checked on the reservations at The Fairfield: for a combined long-term stay discount senior discount, it's $79.00 per night. Breakfast is included, and some have Happy Hours in the afternoon.

That leaves $196.00 a day for lunch and dinner in any restaurant we want, or room service, laundry, gratuities, and special TV movies. Plus, they provide a spa, swimming, workout room, lounge, washer and dryer, and more.

Most have free toothpaste and razors, and all have free shampoo and soap.

$10.00 worth of tips a day and you'll have the entire staff scrambling to help you. They'll treat you like a customer, not as a patient.

There's a city bus stop out front, and seniors ride free. The handicap bus will also pick you up (if you can fake a limp).

To meet other nice people, call a church bus on Sundays.

For a change of scenery, take the airport shuttle bus and eat at one of the nice restaurants there. While you're at the airport, fly somewhere. Otherwise, the cash keeps building up. It takes a few months to get into a decent nursing home anyway. The Marriott will take your reservation today! And, in the Marriott, you're not stuck in one place forever - you can move from one Marriott to another Marriott, or even from city to city. Want to see Hawaii? They have Courtyard there too.

TV broken? Light bulbs need changing? Need a mattress replaced? No problem, they fix everything, and apologize for the inconvenience.

The Marriott has a night security person and daily room service. The maid checks to see if you are OK. If not, they call an ambulance… or the undertaker! If you fall and break a hip, Medicare will pay for the hip, and Marriott will upgrade to a suite for the rest of your life.

And no worries about visits from family. They will always be glad to find you, and probably check-in for a few days mini-vacation. And the grandkids can use the pool.

And the rewards points I'll accumulate!

02/20/21 10:26 AM

#1436

Jerry Labuda

You got me covinced. Where do I sign up?

02/20/21 11:01 AM

#1437

Jerry Labuda

Since the covid virus is somewhat receding, we decided to meet for breakfast again on the last Tuesday of every month at Keno's restaurant at 2661 La Plama just west of Magnolia. We're meeting this Tuesday February 23rd at 9:30 AM. We will be outside under cover until things open up for inside dining again. Come on down and join us and don't forget your masks.

02/20/21 11:20 AM

#1438

Jerry Labuda

Attention all you golfers or duffers. Fr. Maxilian Kolbe Charities, the charity I work with is once again sponsoring their 9th annual golf tournament on April 19, 2021 to raise funds for other local charities such as CHOC hospital, Boys and Girls clubs Mercy House, and Fisher House and many others. In 2020 they donated $200 to the Class of 65 Legacy Fund from the 3 golfers (Doug Bell, Greg Cook, and myself) that participated in the tournament in 2019. Once again Kolbe Charities will donate $50 to the Legacy Fund for each golfer from Savanna High School that golfs in this tournament up to $1000. This will be a great way to have some fun golfing and also support Kolbe Charities and our Legacy Fund at the same time. It will be a fun and entertaining day with coffee and pastries in the morning, lunch, on the course beverages, contests, and raffles. If you are interested see the attached flyer or email me at NANCYJERRYL@YAHOO.COM or text me at 714-458-5382. Come join the fun.

02/22/21 08:17 AM

#1439

Greg Cook

AIDS Warning!

Senior citizens are the nation’s leading carriers of AIDS!

Hearing aids

Band-aids

Roll aids

Walking aids

Medical aids

Government aids

Most of all, monetary aid to their kids

02/23/21 03:35 AM

#1440

Mitch Wise

Isn't that hitting the nail on the head. Avoiding most of these so far.

03/10/21 07:00 AM

#1441

Greg Cook

Truly one of the iconic songs of our generation, California Dreamin' was recorded in 1965 and released in 1966.

Replacing Mama Cass is not an easy task.

03/10/21 12:47 PM

#1442

Diane Reilly

A beautiful rendition. Loved the Mama's and the Papa's. So did my Mother who will be 98 in May. She's in a skilled nursing. I haven't been able to see her for a year but we Facetime 2-3 times a week. A few months ago out of the blue she asked me to teach her the words to California Dreamin'. Now she can sing it acapella whenever the mood hits her. The nursing staff tells me she wheels herself up and down the hallways singing. We are currently working on Bridge Over Troubled Water. I am enjoying it as much as she is because I never knew all the words. Thanks, Greg, for sharing. I always enjoy your posts. Diane Reilly

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